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Entries in co-parenting (33)

Wednesday
Jun262013

A Co-Parenting Dad Offers Tips for Healthy Shared Parenting

Friend of Co-Parenting 101 Kaleb Hill helps us wrap up Dads' Month with this reflection on his co-parenting experience and advice for others who are parenting after a break-up.


This November will mark 11 years of me being a parent to my son. I have had the pleasure of sharing the duties that come along with parenting. I always had fond memories when it came to his mother. She never had to force me to have a relationship with him; it was something that came natural to me. If anything, she encouraged our bonding time by pumping and freezing large quantities of breast milk so I could feed him.  

I remember holding my son in my arms as an infant as I fed him, I looked down on his face as he lie asleep on my chest, and in that moment I was grateful. He has always been one of the greatest gifts that I have ever received. I like to think that his mother and I do our best to create a healthy environment for him. We understood early on that although we have our differences we could remain cordial for his sake. It is important to set the boundaries ahead of time.

Good vs. Bad Parents

Over the years, I have watched several women and men use Father’s Day to condemn men who don’t meet their standards of “good” parenting. Fatherhood is not something one is born into.  It is an ever-evolving learning experience. It is a lifestyle choice that many men enjoy adding to their legacy. The influence of fathers is often discounted, but there are many Black men who are responsible fathers. If you walk into baby stores, you’ll find most products are geared towards mothers. This could be due to the notion that only mothers can be nurturing.

A parent can read a whole library of books but none can predict a child(ren)’s personality or the value added when you choose to learn from interacting with them. We are here to teach our child to think, not how to think. We are there to provide a sense of security and adequate amounts of love while guiding them. Personally, I don’t get caught up in the “good” parent label because it’s relative. I gauge my success by the questions my son asks me, the gleam in his eyes, and smile that’s always on his face when he sees me. We must teach our child(ren) that relationships can end amicably. We must show them that sometimes adults aren’t compatible romantically but they can have healthy relationships, co-parenting.

Habits That Lead to Healthy Co-parenting

Whether you were in a committed relationship, such as marriage with your co-parent or not, I encourage you to seek professional help. If your emotions are still tied up with the separation, it may be hard for you to cope. Our child(ren) need us here in optimal health.  A counselor will help you organize your thoughts. They can also help your child through this experience. Parental separation is a major life change; it can be traumatic to children’s impressionable minds.

Once you’ve been given the tools, I encourage you to be active listeners. Allow your child to speak freely about his or her concerns without reacting.

Create a calendar that allows your co-parent to have individual bonding time, but try to include “family” outings where you can experience things together. Document these moments. A picture is priceless and it can evoke positive emotions. Use positive words to describe your co-parent. These are the things our children commit to memory.

Kaleb ”Coach KJ” Hill is a pre-med student studying Black psychology at Xavier University of Louisiana and the CEO and founder of FitnessFleet, a healthcare company. For more information, visit FitnessFleet online and on Twitter follow Kaleb at CoachKJMD2Be.


photo credit: Carin Araujo

 

Monday
Jun172013

"Trayvon Martin’s Parents are Still Co-Parenting—Through Death and Zimmerman’s Trial"

We don’t know what Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin’s co-parenting situation was like before Trayvon’s death.  If it was a high-conflict situation, that surely doesn’t matter now.  In a very public and united way, Fulton and Martin are grieving and seeking justice on behalf of their son, as co-parents, regardless of the circumstances that ended their marriage in 1999, and regardless of what has transpired between them since.  And there’s a lesson for all co-parents in this.  

from Deesha's guest post up today at My Brown Baby.  You can read the rest here.

Friday
Jun142013

Co-Parenting Moms: A Special Workshop Just for You!

Even though we're gearing up to celebrate dads, we want to share with you some early-bird details about my (Deesha's) collaboration with Friend of Co-Parenting 101, Magda Pecsenye (AskMoxie), that's especially for women. Today, Magda and I are opening registration for Writing Through Your Divorce, our new online workshop for women!

If you're anywhere in the process of divorce (from pre-paperwork to years out) and you'd like to use the discipline of writing to both process and create written pieces you're proud of, this workshop is for you.  The workshop starts July 8, and we're giving an early-bird discount for registering by June 19.

Everything you need to know about Writing Through Your Divorce is here.

If you're a dad, or if you know someone else who might benefit from this workshop, please pass this along to her! (You don't have to be a mom to participate.)

photo credit 

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